


help me

by amiaa218



Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Drugs, F/M, Smut, a bit of comfort, a tiny bit fluffy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 06:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17361038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiaa218/pseuds/amiaa218
Summary: colin's sent to help you stay on track with bandersnatch, but you're into him. you're also being controlled by some kind of force, and he reckons he has a way to make it easier.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm really bad at the tags and shit. basically it's a colin smut because he's very hot and there's not enough out there for him. also it's my first time writing anything like this so.. please be gentle with me. i hope enjoy!

“You can fucking do this”, you told the reflection staring back at you from the mirror. After one more deep breath, you grabbed your bags and headed towards the door, shouting a quick farewell to your father and receiving a distracted “good luck.” in response. 

*********

 

That was the day it all began. You, working with Tuckersoft to try and publish the best game you possibly could. After rejecting his offer to work at the office, Tucker had implemented a strategy where Colin would visit you every few days just to check everything was going alright. They had seen people crumble when working alone on complex games like this, and they were trying to avoid it happening again. You were happy to comply with this; he was a hero of yours. Even if he wasn’t, his game knowledge was almost unparalleled, and he understood your vision. There was nobody better to help. The two of you struck a friendship of sorts, as it was easy to be comfortable around each other and focus on the game. He helped you bypass a few errors and hone your vision every time he came.  
The problem began when you had to work in such close proximity with him. His voice and breath gave you shivers, and you’d started to notice how attractive he was; how his laid-back personality only made him more desirable. However, the last thing you wanted to do was jeopardise your working relationship, so you put your feelings to the back of your mind and pretended they didn’t even exist. You did this so well for a while that you didn’t even notice his expression mirrored yours of longing and unbridled lust on occasion. 

*********

“Bollocks!” You slammed your fist against the desk in frustration. The program crashed on the same pathway for the umpteenth time. Your hands shook violently as you were overcome with a sudden urge to smash the computer. No, you’ll lose everything, you tried to tell yourself as your fists inched closer to your keyboard. It was overwhelming. The pure, white-hot need to comply with whatever force was controlling you. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you registered the sound of a knock at your door, and then Colin was by your side, whispering hushed words that you couldn’t begin to decipher. 

“I can’t stop it. Help me.” You pleaded, staring at him with frantic, watery eyes. He smoothed his hands down from your shoulders to your balled fists. Matching his motions with the gentle tones he spoke with.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Come here. Trust me.” The tide of need receded slightly as you found yourself able to focus on his words. Your breaths still came sharply but you forced yourself to turn away from the table and stumble towards your bed; Colin’s hand firm on your waist.

“There we go. See? You can resist it.” You grit your teeth and train your eyes on him questioningly as the haze subsides. 

Colin chuckles. 

“Don’t look at me like that… Your dad let me in. Good job he did, and all! Are you trying to send the boss to an early grave?” His chuckle transformed into a full-blown cackle as the pillow you launched hit him square in the chest.

“No, seriously, Col… What would I have done if you weren’t there?” You sighed, remembering the helplessness you felt. If it hadn’t been for the distraction, you weren’t sure your work would have survived.  
All of it. Gone. The thought alone made you shudder.

A smirk graced his lips. You knew what he was going to say even before the words left his lips.

“Done it again - differently. But I don’t need to explain that now, do I?” He dropped his hand from your waist, grabbing your hand and pulling you back towards your computer table. “Now, how about you tell me what went wrong.”

He took a seat as you leaned over and ran the game, showing him where it crashed and pulling up the code to search for the problem. A spike of anger flashed through you again, but it was worth it. Fresh pair of eyes and all that. 

He hit his hands against his legs, looking at you with slight mischief dancing in his eyes. It took you a moment to realise he was beckoning you to his lap. Without questioning, you sat down, and he rested a hand on your hip. You fixed your gaze to the screen, trying your hardest not to pay attention to your positions. The muscle of his leg underneath you; the light scratching of his nails against the dip of your hip. His chest was almost right at your back, close enough to feel heat emanating, and his breath disturbed the hair at the nape of your neck. Fuck. So much for not noticing.  
His grip tightened on your hip, and when you looked at him in confusion, you followed his gaze to your thighs. Mortification filled you as you realised what he was reacting to. You had been subconsciously clenching your thighs. Right on his lap. There was no way around this. Your eyes met slowly as his hand travelled lightly down your hip to your leg, and back up. The muscle in his jaw ticked but his eyes held a sense of lazy appreciation. You decided ignorance was the best way forward.

You twisted away, looking to the sky, in an effort to compose yourself as well as a silent prayer for distraction, for a split second before cleaning your throat and staring intently at the screen in front of you. Colin shook in silent laughter behind you, which only made your face flame more intensely.

A knock to the door offered the most welcome solace from the situation, as you jumped up from your position and leaned innocently towards the screen. Colin crossed his legs and rested his hand in his lap, somewhat shiftily, and you both turned to the door just in time for your dad to walk in.

“I come bearing tea. And please, keep the door open, you pair.” He mumbled as he set the tea down to your indignant protests.

“We’re colleagues, dad.” 

“Ta, Peter”, Colin smiled, looking vaguely pained, at your father as he left, leaving the door slightly ajar. 

You put your head in your hands, looking up to glare at Colin. ‘Ta, Peter’? Your glare was interrupted by the sudden exclamation he made, pointing to the screen and rapidly typing on the keyboard.

“Caught the bleeder!” Before you knew what was happening, he was running the program, turning to look at you with a grin when the game sailed past its previous glitch. 

“Oh, thank the lord for that.” Relief filled every pore of your body. At least for now the existing pathways were running fairly smoothly. 

“Right”, Colin slapped his thighs and started to rise from his seat. He downed his tea in one go before sauntering to the door.

“My work here is done, I think.” He paused and turned back to you, coming so close you could feel your heart stuttering in your chest. His ran his hand from your shoulder down to your hand and spoke very softly, against the side of your head.

“Give us a bell if you ever need anything. Or pop ‘round – a welcome distraction.” With that, he leaned forward to place a kiss on your cheek, before squeezing your hand one last time and continuing out the door.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the actual smutty bit so.. don't read anymore if you're uncomfortable with that. thanks to anyone who does give a read :)

2 weeks had passed since you’d seen him, and things really weren’t going well. Nothing was going… right. Never eating; never sleeping; never leaving your room. You’d later be told you were in the hole. As a result, you’d been tricked into seeing Dr Haynes after shouting at your dad. You probably would have, too, had it not been for the head of bleached blond hair you saw disappearing down the road. You followed him without a second thought; your dad’s pleas falling on deaf ears behind you.

“Colin,” you blurted once you got into earshot. He stopped in his tracks, turning leisurely before appraising you with a calculated sweep of his eyes. 

“How’s Bandersnatch going?” he asked with a challenging raise of the eyebrow. As if you’d dare try to lie. 

“Not good… Not good. I’m just… Lost.” You stumbled through the words, hoping it would be enough for him to understand. It was.

He sighs deeply, gaze softening as it lingers on your face.

“Come with me.” It was funny, because in that moment you didn’t think there was anywhere on earth you wouldn’t follow him to. Every time, no questions asked, just explicit trust.

*********  
The rest of the walk to his flat was spent in silence. A silence that was somehow infinitely heavy yet left you free of discomfort. He held the door for you once you arrived, and you brushed past him. You realised you were in trouble when even that miniscule amount of contact left you feeling weak. 

“Come on, this way.” He gestured with his head down the hallway to a room filled with settees. You took purchase on one of them, while he sat opposite you, staring intently.

Colin reached in front of him, finding a small box and taking out a spliff from it. He lit it and took several long drags before holding it out to you. After a few moments of hesitation, you took it from his fingers. You felt a strange burning in your lungs as you inhaled, trying to hold it in like you’d seen him do. You lasted maybe 3 seconds before you spluttered and coughed. He took the joint from you with an amused smirk.

“You’ll have plenty of time to get used to that…” His sentence was punctuated by a mischievous wink. 

“Now what?” You asked, vaguely confused. How was this going to help you out of the hole? With your fear of being controlled?

“Now we just wait a bit.” His grin had an edge of mania to it.

 

Sure enough, half an hour later you were certifiably high. Your body felt so heavy, but your mind was light, and amused. It was the most serene you’d felt in a very, very long time. Colin was in a similar state, and the two of you were sat opposite each other, as he explained his theories and concepts to you. The longer he spoke, the more you curled in on yourself, slightly nervous that he’d try and prove his theories of multiple timelines. 

Colin stopped his speech, looking towards where you’d retreated into yourself, staring at him emptily. He tapped the empty space next to him, beckoning you over. You managed to lift your limbs and ambled your way across the room, somewhat hesitantly. It was becoming increasingly challenging to keep your feelings and attraction in check. Especially after the feel of his hands on your skin the last time you saw him. 

You half- sat/half-fell next to him, bringing your legs up to sit cross-legged, facing him. He turned to you dramatically, mimicking your position, and you chuckled lightly before leaning forward into his shoulder. 

“I can help you, you know.” He stated thoughtfully, as if he, himself, wasn’t entirely sure of the idea.

“Help me, how?” You asked, pulling back in a fruitless attempt to understand him from his expression, which was unnotably blank. The cotton wool that seemed to be filling your brain really didn’t help with understanding Colin when he was being cryptic. 

“Being controlled. You think you don’t like it, don’t you? Let me show you – it’s not all bad. Not at all. Maybe if we can eliminate your panic at the feeling, you’ll be able to fight it more easily.” He skimmed his hands up the top of your thighs, up your waist, and finally cupped your face. He leaned in close, and you felt like you were going to explode.

“Show me, how?” You murmured, a little breathlessly. Sure, you probably knew the answer to this one, but you wanted to savour the moment; savour the feeling.

Colin cocked his head to the side, one corner of his mouth quirking in a lopsided, knowing smile.

“I think you can figure that one out for yourself. Can’t you, darlin’?” With that, he pulled your face towards his, closing the gap and pressing his lips to yours in a messy kiss. You gripped his forearms tightly, before shifting onto your knees and wrapping your arms around his neck, desperate to get closer. One of his hands tangled into your hair while the other roamed from your hips to your thighs, pushing up your skirt slightly but just resting on your bare skin.

He broke away with a chuckle.

“Dangerous habit you’ve got there, eh?” He looked down at your clenching thighs, then back up to your face, an arrogant glint in his eyes as he knew he was responsible for your current state.   
“You’re one to talk.” You quipped back, running your finger down his chest to the noticeable bulge in his jeans, before palming it lightly.

He grinned cheekily in response, his hips twitching upwards slightly at the contact.

Grabbing your hand and fastening it against your side, he manoeuvred you so that you were straddling his lap as he sat against the back of his seat. He loosened his grip on your hand in favour of gripping your hips while reattaching your lips in a somewhat lazy kiss, tongues sliding gently against each other. 

“Move.” He told you in a tone you’d never heard him use before. You obliged, and his hands on your hips guided you as you dragged your, probably soaked, core across his hardened dick. His head was tilted back slightly, eyes closed as he savoured the feeling as you ground against him. You couldn’t dampen your moans as the material of his jeans rubbed against your clit repeatedly. 

At some point he’d opened his eyes to watch you, and the look in his eyes made you feel like a goddess. His eyes tracked your movements intently, and he let go of your hips to pull your shirt over your head, admiring the lace bra you’d worn with a hum of satisfaction in the back of his throat, before reaching around and unclipping that, too.

He dragged a finger down your neck, down the centre of your chest, across your stomach, and let it rest on your hip. You couldn’t hide the way your hairs stood on end, or the way your nipples perked up to his touch. You’d slowed your pace by now and so you whined quietly in need. He smiled slightly, watching you with hooded eyes before flipping positions so that he was hovering above you. The cold leather of the settee underneath your bare back made you yelp, but it was soon forgotten as you watched Colin strip both his shirt and trousers, before attaching his mouth to your neck and pulling your skirt down. His hands smoothed up your body to palm your breasts, while he trailed the expanse of your neck with his tongue, making sure to leave you several marks.   
Your back arched into his touch as your moans strengthened, but as soon as you reached for him, your arms were pinned back with a strong hand.

He grinned wickedly at your responding whine and started pumping himself quickly with his free hand. You watched him reach over to a nearby shelf and pull out a condom. He rolled it over his length quickly, before leaning down and speaking against the skin of your collarbone. 

“You want me to fuck you?” He asked in a low voice, sending chills down your spine.

“Fuck. Please.” You begged, straining slightly against his hold and receiving a sharp tut in response. As soon as he heard your words he surged forward, filling you. A strangled moan left you at the feeling, and Colin started to move slowly when you’d adjusted. He set a fast pace, and it was all you could do not to scream as intense pleasure filled you. He moaned lowly, far back in his throat at the feeling of you, and trailed his hand down to your clit, rubbing tight circles against it and watching as you jerked and bucked in pleasure.  
“Can’t move, can you darlin’? You’re not in control, are you? How does it feel?” Each sentence was punctuated with a bite on the soft skin of your neck, and he laved his tongue over each one. 

He didn’t give you time to answer as his mouth dragged up the front of your neck, finding your own and licking into your mouth in a messy kiss. You were very close now, and you keened desperately with every thrust of his hips. He must have been able to tell from your frantic moans and the tightening of your walls around him, as he increased the pace of both his hips snapping into you, and his fingers on your clit. Within seconds you were coming, the overwhelming pleasure making you scream unintelligible words, mostly slurs of his name. 

He fucked you through it, keeping the pressure on your clit and not letting up until you begged him, thrashing left and right as it got too much to bear. He finally released you, grabbing your hips and snapping his in a fierce rhythm, allowing you to finally move and grab his forearms as you tightened, aiding him in his search for release. 

He came with a shudder and a low moan, collapsing on top of you but catching most of his weight on his elbows as the two of you panted, the high fading away slowly. You stayed like this for a few moments before he rolled the two of you over so that you lay on top of him. Your legs intertwined and one of his hands rested on the swell of your ass, while his other scratched soothingly down the curve of your spine. You shivered relentlessly due to the hypersensitivity you felt. 

You dropped your head to rest on his chest and sighed in content.

“Thank you, Col. I- I think I needed this… It- This wasn’t just a one-time thing, was it?” As strong as you wanted to seem, he knew you. He knew you wanted him, needed him almost. There was no point trying to downplay it, so you didn’t try to compose yourself. You just stumbled through the words. 

He looked down at you tenderly and held you to him a little closer.

“I really fucking hope not. I’m here whenever you need me.” The words thrilled you, and you buried your face into his neck, hiding your smile. He chucked in response, the two of you completely at ease. That night, you drifted into the first restful sleep you’d had in a long time.

 

If this was the support system you had, you were almost confident you could complete the game and live your life the way you wanted to. At least in this timeline.


End file.
